Since my husband died I can’t shake the worry he had an affair with my cousin

DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE my husband died six months ago, I haven’t been able to shake the idea that he had an affair with my cousin. 

I  had my suspicions, but seeing how much his death has affected her has shaken me to my core.

I’m 47, my husband was 52. We were married for 25 years and had two children together.

When he fell ill with bowel cancer my life was turned upside down.

The reality of a future without him was too much to bear. He was the only man I had ever known and my one and only love.

Shortly after his death, I posted on Facebook to let our extended friends and family know. Everyone’s comments were lovely and kind, but one stuck out to me the most.

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It was from my 48-year-old cousin, who had written an extensive paragraph about how amazing he was and how she’ll “never be able to come to terms with his loss”. 

This surprised me as we had lost touch 15 years earlier. I started remembering our early days.

My cousin and I were close when I first met my husband, and I could always sense that she had a crush on him.

Despite their flirting and stolen glances, I chose to ignore the chemistry between them. He was mine after all.

Looking back I’m worried I ignored all the warning signs.

For the first half of our relationship, my husband was always tied up with his job, and would constantly be away on “work trips”.

What if they had been sleeping together then?

I know it may sound silly, but I can’t shake the feeling.



My partner and I want to make our fantasy of becoming swingers a reality


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DEIDRE SAYS: I can only imagine that his death is hard enough, even without these unsettling thoughts.

While I understand how desperate you may be for answers, you might have to accept that you may never know the truth.  Your suspicions may just be that, suspicions. 

Instead, focus on all your happy memories together. These are yours and nothing can take them away from you. 

Even if he had cheated, ultimately he chose to marry you and live the rest of his life as your husband.

Try not to let unconfirmed suspicions ruin the memory of the life you shared together.

Speak to a counsellor, who can help you work through this. My support pack Coping With Bereavement will help you.